It’s been these few years that I’ve entered this new and strange stage in my life that I have dreaded. The part of my life where I find myself too young to be cold and bitter but too old to be reckless and not have any responsibilities anymore. It’s my personal little limbo, a place I cannot escape entirely but rather a battle to conquer in some way or another to reach the next level of my life.
Almost gone are the teen days where I would believe that my features and body were as important as I made them out to be such as my eyes being smaller than considered pretty, complexion was too troubled, why I wasn’t a bit taller and so on. I realised I was getting upset at the fact that I didn’t fit some unwritten rulebook of what society accepts and although I’ve acknowledged it, I still can’t help but let it get to me sometimes. But that’s okay, my self-acceptance is in the making.
Upon entering this new 20s stage in my life I’ve found myself attempting to hold onto things that will keep me young and help me rekindle my passion with whatever I found worth doing. A job? Too impersonal. A career? Too cliché and clinical. Isn’t there something to call that thing you want to do for the rest of your life that will make you happy regardless of how much effort you unconditionally want to put in? It’s called a hobby I guess. I do wish to find that something like a hobby to work towards that I can be engrossed in for the better part of my life to come. Despite my attempts to focus on my own progress I still find myself looking to others to compare myself with. It’s only natural but it’s also stressing at times.
With bittersweet regret, I’ve just recently finished my degree at University and there is this hurtful feeling that lingers in my heart as I realise I’m no longer a student in name and schedule. For a student in name – I imagine the wonderful things will come to a person who is working hard to improve themselves in knowledge, the possibilities are endless for them. As I’m not a student anymore does that mean my possibilities have shrunk in size? For a student in schedule – I love the chase of clear goals you can see in the near distance. The mid semester test, the completion of a project and even passing of one subject that will contribute to the bigger prize at the end. What will my prizes be as a person working full-time? I’m not quite sure yet.
I guess I will see what’s to become of me in the following years. Fate always seems to work it’s wonders in odd ways.
Apart from my future there have been a few other things on my mind as of late. Three things to be exact. Health, Family and Friends and Love.
I hate to admit it but as a young person, health wasn’t a high priority to me and even though I understand just how important it is now I still can’t bring myself to change a few habits or feel a bit more concerned for myself. I’ve got a lot of years ahead of me right? How can I worry about health when more pressing issues of jobs and careers push their way to the top of the list?
It is said that we humans use our health in exchange for wealth in our youth, yet in our old age we attempt to use our hard earned wealth to try salvage our degenerating health.
This leads me to my next point. The family I can turn to are essentially my mum and dad who have been in the past few years ageing beyond my wildest imagination. It comes with shocking disbelief to a no-longer child that their once strong boulders could ever waver or wear down with use. When did the superheros of my own life start showing signs of weakness and pain from their old age? What would I be without them? How would life be without these people I frame my entire concept of ‘family’ around?
My friends are my second family and at times my first family. Although they are not blood-related, they feel my hardships despite their reluctance to show me how much it weighs on their thoughts. What can be better in the world than a few friends to get to know closely, laugh with in the happy times and band together in the times of need? For me there’s not much more than this.
And love. I don’t think life would be very complete without this magical mixture of warmth and something I can’t quite put my finger on. You can love and love again but I feel like the love I once thought I knew has redefined itself. Love was love. A little stupid and naive. Now? Love is love and a little more smart than it was before because now it includes the possibility of a future. I really wonder what that future would be like.
Even with all these aspects of my 20-something-year-old life uprooting themselves and running wild in my mind I know I’m not the only one to feel this way. With that thought for comfort I’ll trust myself to keep moving on with life.
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep balance, you must keep moving.
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What were the things you’ve learn when coming into the next stage of your life?